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child of winter's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, October 28th, 2005 | | 10:45 am |
A lot has happened since last I posted, so i'm just gonna note the more important things. Naomi and I are celebrating eight months of together-ness (as of the 20th of this month), so that's freakin' amazing! I got a job through a temp service. I work at a desk from 9 to 530, monday through friday. It's really boring paperwork, but it pays 8 dollars an hour, so that's kinda cool. the only crappy part is that I have to wake up at like 6:40am just so I can make it to work at 9:00. Public transportation sucks, but it's cheaper than gas. !I turned 21 wednesday! Hooray for inebre... enibrea... aenibriat... GETTIN' DRUNK!, yeah... HOORAY FOR THAT!!! So anyway, things are goin' really good and i'll try to keep up more with what's goin on, I just never get to go online anymore, it sucks. See ya guys later, take care, and Gods bless.^_^ PS... the band is doing REALLY good and we should hopefully be ready to do a show in like a month or two!!!! It's gonna ROCK! Current Mood: !!inspired!!Current Music: I can't hear anything but Molly and Chris' cat purring | | Monday, July 11th, 2005 | | 2:46 am |
Hmm... it's been a while...
Every so often, I fall into a pattern in my life where things start to look really dark. I initially begin thinking about what I can do to continue on with my immediate life, making slight cahanges here and there, to try and patch the small problems. Then once every not-so-often, I come across something that really plagues me, and I have a hard time remembering why I keep pushing to make those slight changes. I guess I have always been aware that everyone deals with their own ghosts, in there own way... but I seem to forget and I start feeling sorry for my-self. It may be due to depression (which happens to run thick in my family) It may also be due to circumstance, or a hybrid of the two. My most recent emotional breakthrough, and the purpose for this "rant" (I think), is that I have come to a one-hundred percent understanding, with my-self and with the fact that I am not the only one in my life with serious conflicts! People every day, every where, deal with the same type of problems. I could definetely stand to procrastinate (sp) a little less. but I know plenty of people who could as well... In short (too late, I know) I actually look forward to the hardships that will undoubtedly greet me in the future, near as well as far, and I don't plan on turning to medication to do so... the way I see it... If you are readin' this, then you are my anti-depressant!^_^ Thanks a lot guys Safe journey, and Gods bless! Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: the Acoustic Tribute to NIN | | Tuesday, March 1st, 2005 | | 4:16 pm |
As I so often do... I've been cought up in life and neglected to write. It's not that I forget to write, It's more like I don't want to take the time away from my experiences to jott them down... It seems lately, that once in a while something will strike me or catch my mood in the right condition, and inspire me to express myself, once again, for the world to read. Well maybe not the world, but whoever does actually read my posts. ^_^ It so happens, this time, that my inspiration came from one of moonarcher's recent posts. I was going to comment but, as usual, the comment was getting too long, so I transfered it to a new post ^_^ here it is... I have been in a couple of situations where I thought I had found the only thing I needed to live, and I can honestly say that from my own point of view, at the time, I was happy. If anyone had come to me and said things were going to end up the way they did, I probably would have been pissed at them for even thinking something like that. But when I woke up, I realized that, ironically, the thing I thought I needed to survive, was indeed the only thing keeping me from living a perfectly enjoyable life. I have mixed feelings on the topic of relationships. This may be my least popular opinion, among my friends, but it's the way I feel. I believe in love! Generally when I use that word, people stop listening, but at least on here you can skip the parts you don't want to hear, and maybe still understand a peice of me. What I don't believe, is that there is one true love for everyone. Love is not a miracle. Anyone I know has the ability to fall head over heels in love. It happens all the time. The true miracle, and the chance worth trying for, is to find someone you can love and not let it ruin your life. You shouldn't be expected to drop all (or any, for that matter) of your old friends and/or habbits! To me, a relationship should expand who you already are. it should add to your own life and perhaps show you some things that you hadn't been exposed to before. But if it does more harm than good... then it is important to remember the priorties in your own life and make the changes neccesary to maintain your own ideals and personal code. That's not to say that some compromise is not in order... but compromise only goes so far before it starts to change the moral integrity of the person making all of the sacrifices... In short, I suppose, just don't let love blind you. It really sucks when he or she is gone and your life has fallen apart due to neglect ^_~ Current Mood: optimisticCurrent Music: Chevelle | | Wednesday, January 12th, 2005 | | 10:58 pm |
I Will Die of Natural Causes. Your choice of life style has enabled you to live a nice long life.. To eventually die of a stroke, or was it a heart attack.. Either way you out lived just about anyone that gave a shit about you anyway.. Congrats
Find out how you will die, Take the Death Quiz now! | Current Mood: bored and bouncyCurrent Music: chris' turtle aquarium | | Monday, December 27th, 2004 | | 5:09 am |
once i met an Anaconda. he was Blue like the Crayon, and his name was Dog
Well... It's the night (i havn't been to sleep yet, so technically it is night for me) after Christmas, I just got my internet back, after like a month or so, and I'm trying to catch up on some things. As for my Christmas, there's not a lot to say I suppose. the whole week before I was on a road trip, and I'm thinking that if I had stayed gone all the way through the hollidays, it may have been a bit more exciting! I don't know... It just seems like every time my family gets together, it's less enjoyable than the time before. Christmas Eve, for the first time in... well... too damn long... I had the comforting presence of another body lying beside my own. I swear, that if sex did not exist (gods forbid)... I could be just as happy, so long as two conditions were granted to me. One being that at any point during the night, I could roll over to the person next to me, and say, "Guess what I just thought about?" and given the fact that I was not keeping them from much needed sleep before work the next morning, that person would not only allow me to share my easily amused mind... but, she might also express a certain level of intregue in my thoughts. And Second... I would be permitted at any given time, to reach over and touch her, just to be certain that she's not simply a dream, meant to fade away as I awake, cold and alone! Well, aside from new years eve and christmas morning, as i said... i could have done without the whole thing, personally... but i'm sure lots of people had wonderful holliday experiences, and I hope many of you were included in those lucky masses ^_^! My happiness will come at the beginning of the year. According to plan, I'm moving to G'ville around the beginning of the month. I can't wait. So many things will be made better by such a change. Time will tell, I suppose... Well... I'm off to will myself into unpure dreams, only to wake up alone once again! ^_^ Damn I hate Ocala!!! :P So... you guys take care, and i'll see ya around! Gods Bless! Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: Hyde, Eve Six, Dir en Grey, A.F.I. andsome crappy punk bands | | Saturday, December 18th, 2004 | | 3:12 am |
the subject is subject to the mercy (or lack thereof) of the subject whichit subjects it'sself to
--is is in reference to charlie's entry pertaining to death-- for as long as I can remember, until just recently, i was terrified by thoughts of death... usually, it wouldn't bother me too much... but when i would actually think about in depth, it would haunt my every thought until i either found distraction or sleep. I guess, to an extent, i am still a bit disturbed by the concept that my existance will, someday, come to an end. But now when i have these thoughts, i have a place i can go to escape the anxiaty. In this place I an able realize all that I have achieved, and how so many others have missed such oportunities, for some reason or another. I realize how full my life has been of the things that i hold most sacred. I have experienced love more true than i ever imagined i cold feel, and i have been loved in return, more than i ever thought anyone could love me. I don't only mean in a relationship... but also by friends whom i would, now, gladly give my life in exchange to keep from harms touch... I have seen things that inspired more growth, than the average person will ever see... I have achieved a spirituallity that only the most blessed soul cold hope for... I weigh my life, not on a scale of quantity, but one of quallity, and thus; i have determined that my existance has been so rich(however short it may be, up to this point), that i honestly feel as if i could die happily. That isn't to say that i have reached the point where i long for death, as i understand many people do when they reach a certain degree of success. there is so much that i haven't done yet, but I do believe a day will come that i will see death as a welcome transition to eternal rest! A lesson lesrned through experience is (in my opinion) an increase in power, and i hope to stay on this earth to become as powerful as i may! but still, one day my death will come, and,now, i am able to except that with no scepticism! but today... i am here an' i get to live every day of my life with some of the most awesome people i can imagine... and i thank every person who reads this for being part of my life and making it that much more incredible of an experience!!!! ^_^see you guys later, take care, safe journey, and gods bless ^_~ oh... heh... P.S. guess where i am right now... go ahead... guess... I'M IN PENNSYLVANIA!!! ^_^ how freaking crazy is that? the drive has been crazy... i saw Atlanta, Ga for the first time ever. It was insane! an some other places that i have never been. Charlie is learning how to drive on snow (which, by the way, he had never seen befor until today! isn't that awesome?)tomorrow we are driving to New Jersy and then we're going to visit New York... these several days have been really awesome and we're gonna have some more good ones comin' up... i'll tell you all about it later, and so (as i'm sure) will charlie. so, untill then, you guys take care an' stuff... luv ya all! and thanks again! Current Mood: somehow bold and meek at the sCurrent Music: nothing, literally... being in the country rocks!!!! | | Wednesday, October 27th, 2004 | | 2:14 am |
Oh... I would also like to say that if you are reading this, then Thank you for being the greatest friends and supporting me in everything I have ever shared with you, no-matter how idiotic it may have sounded at the time... i appreciate everysingle one of you. I didn't put you guys on this list cause yer names are pretty ^_^, THANKS again! \m/(^_^)\m/ this means all of you. even the ones who think I should be mad at them :P Current Mood: confusedCurrent Music: disturbed (down with the sickness) hince the "metal head cha | | 1:47 am |
Hmm...
I don't even know where to start... It's been a freakin' year,it seems, since I last updated. I guess I just lost the urge to write, But i'm kindof back now, and I'll write a little more often, i think. Like I said I really don't know where to start. A lot has happened since my last entry, so I guess I'll just cover what brings me to my current state of mind. I think I'm doin' alright. I've been healthier, and I've sure as hell been a whole lot happier, reasons for which I would prefer not to go over in such a non-personal setting. I guess it all comes down to: Damn near everything that I thought I had a hold on, and everything that I thought was stable, was in-fact, the opposite of that. I certainly have not lost the will to live, I love life and I always will, but I have lost the will to try to keep anything under my control. I have realized that even the MOST definite and certain thing in your life (not to mention, often, the most important) can, and likely will, change for the worst, especially if you put all of your faith in it. I don't feel that this change is anyone's fault but my own, for being so sure. All of my life I have heard if it seems to good to be true, it is. I hear it all too often, but i never realized how true it might actually be! I've always been the kind of person to "test the waters" before plunging in head-first, and I did so a great deal, but I guess somewhere along the way I got too sure of myself, and the Gods decided it would be neat to show me how small I really am ^_^ After everything that has happened recently I guess I have the urge to be mad at certain individuals, and by all right, I could not be thought ill of for doing so. These people know who they are. Unfortunately they will not be reading this, and one of few people involved that I am not mad at, thinks that I am, though she could not be further from the truth. I am, in fact, not mad at anyone, (rights aside). Instead I will use this as a learning experience, and continue living the best I know how! On a lighter note... I TURNED 20 TODAY!!!!!! HELL YEAH, GO ME. My mother always swore I'd never make it to 20. A whole two decades old. And to think, my life isn't even half over yet... I can't wait for the rest of it... I guess I'll talk to you guys later. Take care, and a safe journey to all of you! ^_~ Current Mood: not actually sure, for onceCurrent Music: some fruity loops tracks i just converted to mp3 | | Friday, August 20th, 2004 | | 3:26 am |
Learning to See As I lie motionless, the night consumes me. The wind howls softly through the trees. It whispers to me in a voice that could daunt the highest mountain and yet, it fills me with serenity. The voice tells me to close my eyes and open my mind and that the knowledge of the universe will be mine to draw upon. I close my eyes tight and clear my mind, and I try with every fibre of my being to imagine this knowledge that the wind has spoken of, but to no avail. I am no more enlightened than the minute before. Now I am slightly confused, wondering if the wind really has spoken to me. As if to answer my question the voice speaks again, "You must remain clear," it says. I close my eyes again and as I do so, the wind begins to blow. A new scent appeals to me. It is the smell of roses and sugarcane; it has an intoxicating effect on me. I remove my shoes and as I lie down again, my mind becomes truly void aside from the smell. I place my arms flat on the ground in a spread-eagle fashion and as I do so I feel as if I've been transformed into a mass of solid energy, separate from reality. Luminescent fibres extend from my body to the center of the earth and my feelings begin to adopt physical forms inside my head. I can feel the earth growing and turning, evolving inside of me. I am bathing in every river, and I am basking on every rock. I breathe the fresh air of every ocean cliff. My fibres spread from the earth and I begin to feel stars being born as others die. I expand beyond our galaxy and beyond the ones after that. As I travel, the stars and planets slowly begin to dissipate spreading thinner and thinner. Eventually I am in complete darkness, and it appears as if I am no-longer moving, but I keep going. After what has to have been several hundred years I see a light spanning the entire horizon. As I near the light I am able to distinguish tiny individual sources of light perhaps stars, but they appear to be shifting or fluctuating large distances at a time in unison, giving the impression of a giant wave of light. As I draw closer yet, I am convinced that I have reached, literally, a sea of stars. I stop at the edge to contemplate my discovery and suddenly I am overwhelmed by exhaustion. I close my eyes but instead of falling asleep I fell as though I have awoken from a life-long slumber. I open my eyes and I am not surprised to find myself back in the same forest I began in. Slowly, I get to my feet to go home. The wind is still blowing and it is exhilarating. I think back to something my grandfather told me years ago: " The universe is quite possibly an infinitely large mass of stars and planets all the same, but ... what if we are merely an island in the sea of reality and if so, what if in that sea there are multiple other islands, each one a separate reality? September 20, 2002 i've been a bit nervous posting anything on a large site where other people have access to anything I have written. Not that any of it is worth stealing, per say. It's just that, even if someone stole the worst think I ever wrote, it's still mine, damnit! ^_^ ya know? However, I can easily trust anyone who reads my journal, without a doubt. Anyway... if you read this... thanks for taking the time... and I would appreciate any feedback, good or bad, equally. Thanks again ^_~ take care... see yas later! Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: still Nickleback ^_^ | | 3:18 am |
I recently started writing more enthusiastically... and I am planning on posting a lot of my literature. Either here... or one of a couple of web sites. I just added a poem to "www.fictionpress.com". The site does not post new material for about 24 hours after it is added, so you should be able to read it about this time tomorrow. You can search for my work on that site under the pen name "Dracovis Animus". I may also post a bit on "www.fanfiction.net" under the same alias. the 24-hour delay will be in effect there, as well. PLease feel free to "review" any literature of mine that you read on either site... If I post it here, then by all means, you may obviously comment on it ^_^ thanks... you all take care, and safe journey! Current Mood: inspiredCurrent Music: Nickleback - The Long Road | | Wednesday, August 18th, 2004 | | 3:43 am |
HEY GUYS>>> CHECK THIS OUT!!!!
Well... a couple of things. I changed my mind. I'm not going to create a new LJ account... I have too many connections with this one! That's the most minor peice of news! I am back among the "working" and it feels great, although it leaves me with no free time during the week, whatsoever... I work at a plant, building roof, and floor trusses, for houses. The job is pretty reaking dangerous, and let's just say that I am lucky, at least 3 times that I still have all of my fingers, as well as the ability to walk! heh... BUT... and it is a huge BUT... I am making 1,200 dollars a month, at least, and that is after taxes! In about 2 to 3 weeks... it will increase to close to $1,512 a month, and that point, my benifits will kick in! Like i said the job is dangerous... but I only plan to keep it long enough to save enough to get a reliable car, and some mony to store for a while until i can get a job in Gainsville, which is where I hope to be living in the near future!!!! Also... I have been invited to go with dad, and Donna ta see Journey, in Valdosta, GA, this weekend... I am gonna do everything I can to make it to that!^_^ Something very major to me... I replied to a post by oneleggedgimpus' recently, in which I made an important announcement!!!! it may come as a shock to some... others simply will not care, while other's, yet, may say they believed that I was trying the whole time...when it was obvious that they had lost hope... so i will copy the comment i made for you to read: "as of, i think like... now... I have quit! If you see me with a lit cigarette in my hand, and I am not drunk, kick my ass... and I mean that... although you will not have to... because it will not happen... it is long over due... and i am making it happen NOW! I don't mean this as a first step in the quitting process... instead, I mean it as the final step!!!! ^_^ I absolutely hate knowing that something so freaking small can have such a huge effect on me! well... no more! it's over!" So... now that I have actually said it to multiple people, I have every reason to hold to what I have said... This is not some half hearted attempt to cut back! I AM QUITTING, DAMNIT! I know that ther are possibly several people who are happy to hear this... but I have on particularly, in mind! Thanks for your support^_^ I love you all and I'll see yas later... take care... gods bless... and a safe journey to you all! Current Mood: anxious | | Wednesday, July 14th, 2004 | | 4:23 am |
a while back I promised a friend that I would try to start a sort of "pass-it-on" story in which i'll write the beginning and hopefully someone else will take it from there... if not, it was a tenacious effort! anyway... here goes: ---------------------------------------- --------------------- So like, chech this out, ok? I was on my way back home, driving down the last long stretch before familiarity, out in the middle of B.F.E. right? I mean fuckin' nowhereville! I had just pulled over on this gods forsaken road to sleep a few hours, when this damned caravan of circus freaks drives by. I mean tractor-trailors pulling faris wheels, mirrors, all of it... the whole nine yards, ok? They get almost out of my sight, when the truck in the back stops... Now i'm thinkin to myself, you know... 1:30 in the fuckin' morning, I just want some damned sleep. Now the truck is turning around, and I'm really curious. I didn't even know the circus was gonna be in town. I lock my doors, and kindof duck down... as I watch this semi pull up with a freakin 50 foot ref. unit behind it right? The truck stops and I slouch down a little farther, gripping my cell phone. As the driver door opens, a figure dressed in some kind of bio-hazzard suit steps out, and two equally clad associates come from the other side of the cab. As they approach my two-door "p.o.s" they pull out some wierd instruments and aim them at the car... lights flicker in their hands as they proceed to surround me... one of them bends down and waves is tool at the underneath of my car. Apparently satisfied, he motions to the other two, and they return to the truck... the two on the far side replace themselves in the cab of the truck, and the other reaches in the door and does something out of my sight... the side of the trailer begins to fold into a recess in it's top. Not much can be seen from my vantage point... but the feeling i get is unsettling! The driver closes the door again and walks to the back. Another such figure hoists him up into the box as lights begin to slowly illuminate the interior... ---------------------------------------- --------------------- NEXT... heh... that was sadly, quite entertaining! ^_^ I reccomend writing as you go... It makes for a more interesting plot, heh... anyway... anyone feel free to take up here... and if two ppl decide to add on at the same time... then the person after them i guess kindof gets to chose which peice to follow... hmm... kindof like a chose your own adventure, umm... or something! k... see you guys later! ^_^ safe journey! Current Mood: blargCurrent Music: um... none... i didn't realize i didn't have music... scarey | | Tuesday, July 13th, 2004 | | 2:28 am |
hmmm...
I awoke this morning, from a dream of a girl. As I opened my eyes I thought I felt her touch me, and in the back of my mind I knew it was not right, but I turned, hoping to see her... Laying behind me was my cat, bathing herself. She looked up at me as if to say, "Sorry, it's just me". As the room came into focus, I remembered that I was lying on my couch, in my own living room, and not the room I had shared with her in my dream the night before. It's wierd how a dream can make such an impression. like you want nothing more than to go back to sleep and live in that dream for just another hour Usually, i would have been left with a certain emptyness... but this time I held a feeling of happiness, of pending hope. Dreams do come true, and everyone eventually gets the break they deserve. I know this to be a fact, even though when things are goin' bad it is nearly impossible to see. We should all keep hope. This is just one of my typical optimistic rantings... you can all disregard it as you likely do with the others that I've posted... but someday you may feel the same, or maybe you already do, I don't know... anyway, this is how I feel ^_^ there are actually two people, in particular, to which this entry is dedicated, and i hope it reaches them in the way i intended, but i think it applies to pretty much everyone else as well... anyway... if i knew all of the answers, as i all too often realize i don't, then i guess life would be that much easier... but then again, it would also be that much less interesting! ok... you all take care... gods bless... and a safe journey. :P see ya Current Mood: at easeCurrent Music: "3 a.m" - Matchbox 20 | | Monday, June 21st, 2004 | | 4:15 am |
Change
I think, pretty soon, I'm goin to change my account name. Nothing against robert plant... but when I made this SN, I didn't expect to really use this journal... and now that I've kept it this long... I want to use something that means a little more to me... I may not change it at all... but if I do, I'll post the new name in THIS journal! I'll keep this journal as well... I just probably will not post in it anymore... I'm not changing it yet though! See you guys later! farewell... and a safe journey to all of you^_^ Current Mood: tired... R F-ing tired!!!!Current Music: jane's adiction! | | Thursday, June 17th, 2004 | | 4:47 am |
Current Mood: content, for a changeCurrent Music: pearl jam | | Monday, June 14th, 2004 | | 3:11 am |
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's been a while sense i have actually sat down and wrote something in here! something did, however, inspire me... I got my G.E.D. test results today... ...and i passed... the total minimum requirement was like 2200 or close to that! and i scored 3020...^_^ my lowest score was my math section... even that was pretty high... with a minimum of i think 410... i got a 540 on math.. and everything else was like 650 and almost 700 for some! anyway... i'm very happy...YAY! so, like... i just wanted to share that with you all... thanks for reading, if you did... and if not... i'm sure you had important stuff to do, like putting bunny ears on your dog, and training him to walk diagnally sideways and backward, while he humms the tune "flight of the bumblebee" you all take care... and a safe journey to ya! Current Mood: tired as fucking hellCurrent Music: 95.5 f.m. | | Thursday, May 20th, 2004 | | 3:22 am |
| | Thursday, April 29th, 2004 | | 3:23 am |
"Lately..."
I've been fairly busy as of late. I took my G.E.G. Test like i had planned and was impressed at the low standards by which we determine whether or not people are smart enough to deserve a highschool edjimucashun. I guess i should wait untill i get my results back before I judge so critically! I am quite confident that I scored above average so now all i do is wait to find out how far above!^_^ On another note, problems with my current employer bring about the need to start searching for another job! Shouldn't be a problem though... I'm young and quite able to perform most if not any task required for work just about anywhere! The event in Orlando (Earth-Day Birth-Day) was freakin' amazing! Made so, of course, by the spectacular friends that accompanied me. For those of you that missed out, I am sorry, and you simply !MUST! join us next time. "Sevendust" kicked ass, royally. "Soil" reigned supreme over all heavy metal happenage. "Finger Eleven" was life changing. Puddle of Mudd Sucked ass although i'm sure their Lead Singer, or should I say Lead "Slurrer" heh! enjoyed himself in his drunken stupor! i Wish i could be famous and obnoxious enough to make money by being drunk on stage! They did however do an awesome fucking cover of Sabbath's "War Pigs"! To directly quote Mudd exactly as they sang it, "Satan sp-laughing spreads his wi-fucking wings"! Drunk, and singing on stage, do not mix! But it was really cool to hear them live! "The Offspring", however... fucking rocked the night in every aspect!!!! I was blown away. I would have gladly payed the $42 just to watch them for the whole 12 hours!!!! short story made long It was a freakin' amazin' weekend that could not have been much better. Hopefully i'll be in g'ville this weekend so i guess i'll see you all later an' stuff. Take care and safe journey! Gods Bless! Current Mood: at peace, for a nice changeCurrent Music: Sublime - Robin' the Hood | | Friday, April 16th, 2004 | | 12:45 am |
A lot has happened since the last time i posted. The biggest news is I finally got a job! Yeah... i know... huge shock! I'm a fraimer's assistant (building houses an stuff). It's really hard work but it pays pretty well. I'm makin almost 300 a week, and that's only like four days a week. I should be working five. Not too shabby, huh? As if that isn't enough... I'm going to take my G.E.D. next week! I'm regestered for tuesday and wednesday... so wish me luck! ^_~ Next weekend i'm going to an event in Orlando called Earthday Birthday. There are some really sweet bands lined up, such as: The Offspring Puddle of Mud Sevendust Three Day's Grace Smile Empty Soul Damaged Plan Hate Breed Drowning Pool Trapped Lo-Pro Tantric Finger 11 Shine Down Soil... and some local bands. That's about it for now... hopefully i'll post more now... we'll see you all take care and stuff... See ya! Current Mood: disconnected | | Saturday, February 14th, 2004 | | 7:03 am |
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